Took It Down
by pokeitlikejello
Summary: A Santana angst fic. ***SPOILERS*** For episode 2.15 "Sexy." Summary and Author's Note located in fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Rachel runs into Santana after Santana comes out to Brittany in the hallway.  
**A/N:** My heart is broken.

* * *

Rachel weaved through the crowded hallway as she headed for the bathroom. She had enough time to stop in before class and then grab her books. As she entered the bathroom, she swore she heard sobbing. Curiously, she looked to the sound.

Santana had her back toward the bathroom, facing the corner, but Rachel could see her reflection in the mirror. Tears were on her face.

"Santana?" Rachel asked meekly, hesitating slightly. Approaching Santana was sometimes like poking a lioness with a stick.

"Get the fuck out of here," Santana replied, meeting Rachel's eye in the mirror.

Rachel stared back, unmoving. "Um... no." When Santana didn't fight, Rachel took a step closer to her. "What's wrong?"

Turning quickly, Santana faced her. "I'm going to break your face. Get away from me."

"Fine." Rachel put up defensive hands as she backed up and headed for the door.

"You hate Quinn?" Santana swiped at her nose.

That made Rachel stop. She considered the question a moment before turning back toward Santana. "No. Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Because of Finn." She sniffed. "Because he picked her."

Rachel shook her head and lifted her chin. "Finn hasn't chosen Quinn."

"He will," Santana replied.

"You don't—" She quickly lost her steam. "—know that."

"No, I do, he will." Santana spoke matter-of-factly as glared at Rachel. She hated how much she related to her right now. "You can go."

Rachel paused. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Fuck off, Berry." Santana faced the mirror, now trying to do damage control and fix her make up.

"Is it Sam?" Rachel asked. She noticed something was going on, but she didn't know what. "Are you having problems or something?"

"This has nothing to do with him!" Santana slammed her palm down on the counter and it stung. She gasped and pulled the hand into herself.

Rachel eyed her up, daring herself to speak again. "Does it have to do with Brittany?"

Santana's head snapped in her direction. "Why would you say that?"

"Landslide," Rachel answered simply. "Am I right?"

Turning back to the mirror, Santana stared at her reflection for a moment before lowering her head, thoughts running through it quickly. She couldn't say them, least of all to Berry.

'_She doesn't love me... Not enough to leave Artie. She doesn't love me as much as I love her. Oh, God, it hurts...'_

Blinking back tears, Santana lifted her head and shook it slowly. "No," she whispered and passed by Rachel, leaving the other girl alone in the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel moved into the choir room. As usual, she was the first one in. She took a seat in the back row and opened up the binder she kept of their current New Directions sheet music. Her head lifted slightly when she saw movement near the door.

Santana made brief eye contact with Rachel before rolling her eyes and sitting in the front. She crossed one leg over the other and began examining her nails. There was no way in Hell she would start a conversation with Rachel, especially after their encounter in the bathroom last week.

Sam entered the choir room, followed by Mike and Tina, holding hands of course, and Brittany pushing Artie in his wheelchair. Santana ignored Brittany and leaned into Sam as he sat next to her.

"Hey, baby," she greeted him and kissed him deeply.

When she broke from the kiss, she glanced at Brittany. She was sitting in front of Rachel, Artie parked beside her. She was picking a fuzzy from Artie's vest. Santana caught Rachel staring at her and quickly placed her attention back on Sam.

"You coming over tonight?" she asked him.

"Yeah, sure," Sam agreed easily and leaned in for another kiss.

Santana kissed him back without much interest. She was distracted and broke the kiss of quickly before reaching for her water to make sure Sam didn't keep kissing her. Quinn walked into the room, Finn trailing close behind her and Santana eyed them up suspiciously.

"You two have been awfully _close_," Santana commented as they sat down, Finn sitting closer to Rachel than to Quinn.

Quinn shifted on her chair. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"I think she means you're always hanging out together," Brittany chimed in.

Santana didn't acknowledge Brittany's statement, even though her friend was backing her up. "I'm just saying, it seems like you're a couple."

"We're not," Finn insisted, annoyed with Santana. "We're friends."

"With benefits," she added.

"Uh-huh," Quinn agreed, dismissing it.

"Is that true?" Rachel asked, focusing on Finn.

"Of course not," he told her.

Rachel leaned forward, looking past Finn to Quinn. "We're in the Celibacy Club."

"Yeah, we're the only ones left since everyone _else_ dropped out." Quinn looked around at the others who had briefly attended.

"Couldn't stay celibate forever," Artie spoke up and gave Brittany's hand a squeeze.

"You're so sexy when you say things like that," Brittany told him seriously.

"This is ridiculous," Santana muttered, but made sure it was loud enough that everyone heard her.

She stood to her feet and left the room quickly, passing a puzzled Mercedes. She headed for the bathroom, thinking it was the only safe place to go. Santana wasn't sad, but she was pissed and figured being alone was better than pulling a Sue Sylvester and shoving someone down a flight of stairs.

She paced in the bathroom, wanting to slam her first into the hand dryer, but she refrained. Somehow, she didn't think a fractured hand was worth it. She heard the bathroom door open and close and almost screamed in frustration at seeing Berry.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked.

"I'm not your fucking friend," Santana spat at her as she stopped her pacing.

"Yeah, I got that," Rachel responded. She watched Santana for a moment. "It's okay, you know. I have two dads, so I can understand—"

"Will you shut up?" Santana crossed her arms over her chest. "You don't even know what you're talking about."

"I know you have feelings for Brittany," Rachel said.

Santana advanced on Rachel, getting in her face. "Take it back."

Rachel physically tensed, but she didn't back down. She just hoped Santana wasn't going to hit her. "Why are you denying it? You don't have to deny it in front of me. I'm not going to tell anyone, if that's what you're afraid of."

"You don't understand." Santana slunk back and turned to face the mirrors.

"I understand what it's like to be in love with someone... to be rejected." Rachel watched Santana's reflection.

"No, no, no, you do not get to compare yourself to me." Santana turned to face Rachel instead of talking to her through the mirror. "You are not me, do you understand that?"

Rachel offered up a small smile to show that she was on her side. "I know that, Santana, I'm just trying to help—"

"But you can't! You can't help me! You..." She forced herself to calm down. "You _can_ help me by pretending you never had any of those stupid thoughts about me and Brittany, okay? Because they're not true. You don't know anything."

"Okay." Rachel nodded. "Sorry."

"Yeah, you should be," Santana told her hotly. "And a helpful tip, burn that outfit when you go home. It looks hideous."

With that, Santana moved out of the bathroom and back to the choir room. Rachel studied her reflection for a moment before following out after Santana.


	3. Chapter 3

Santana opened her locker and paused. She drew in a breath and then looked over her books. She needed her math book, but she was considering skipping.

"Hi."

The voice surprised her. Santana pressed the door of her locker back so she could get a better look at Brittany.

"Hi," she replied and then directed her focus back to her locker.

"I miss you," Brittany told her.

"Yeah, well." She pulled out her math book. "I've been busy."

"Can we hang out tonight?" Brittany leaned against the lockers and wondered why her friend wouldn't look at her. "We can totally make out if you want."

"I don't want to," Santana replied and fished around for a pencil.

Brittany frowned. "But I thought you..."

"You have Artie." She pulled out a pen and tossed it back into her locker. "You don't need me."

"You're my best friend, Santana." Reaching out, Brittany lightly touched her arm.

Santana whipped her arm away and continued her pencil search. "I know."

"We have best friend necklaces," Brittany added.

"Yeah, I know." Aha, her pencil.

"I'm wearing mine." Brittany reached into her shirt and pulled out the chain with a half heart pendant on it that read _friends_.

"I gotta get to class." Santana slammed her locker shut and walked away.

Brittany tucked the necklace back into her shirt and gave a small wave to Santana's backside before turning and heading off to her History class.

* * *

Will stepped up to the front of the choir room once all the kids were settled and sitting. He raised his hands to quiet them.

"Okay, guys, we're gonna do some warm ups first," he announced. "Guys on one side, girls on the other, all right?"

With a few groans and some mumblings, everyone stood and went to their usual side of the room they used during warm ups. Santana watched Artie wheeling toward her and she stepped forward, kicking at his foot pedal.

"Watch where you're going," she snapped in his direction.

Artie frowned up at her. "Sorry, Santana."

"You stepped right in front of him," Lauren pointed out after seeing the whole thing happen.

Santana glared in her direction. "No I didn't, Weight Watchers."

"Hey." Puck stepped between both girls, sensing the oncoming fight.

Moving toward Puck, Santana lifted her chin. She wasn't backing down. "You wanna fight, Baby Daddy?"

"Enough!" Will approached them. "Santana—"

"What?" she spun around quickly to face Will.

"Enough is enough," he told her firmly. "No more fighting. If you can't get along with your fellow Glee members, then maybe you shouldn't be here."

"Typical." Santana rolled her eyes. "That's typical."

She moved past Will and stormed out of the room. Half of the people in the room looked over to Brittany, expecting her to go after Santana, but she didn't move. Taking that cue, Quinn straightened her spine and left the room.

Quinn moved through the hallways, unsure as to what to say once she found Santana. She didn't know what was wrong with her, but she had been worse than usual lately. She turned a corner and saw Santana at her locker. Quinn approached.

"Hey," she said softly.

"What?" Santana replied with an air of attitude.

"You've been a bitch lately," Quinn stated the obvious. "Bitchier than usual, anyway..."

"So?" Santana yanked her purse from her locker.

Quinn eyed her up for a moment. "What's up?"

She shook her head. "Nothing."

"Santana, I know something's wrong," Quinn told her.

"Don't worry about it," Santana replied with a shrug as she faced Quinn. "I'll probably just go make out with your fish lipped ex and then feel all better."

Shaking her head slightly, Quinn gave up. She didn't have to put up with this crap. "Okay..."

She turned away from Santana and went back to the choir room. Santana slammed her locker shut and headed for the doors. She was getting the Hell out of school.


	4. Chapter 4

Taking in a very deep breath, Santana entered into the empty Spanish classroom. She had given it three days, and as much as she hated to admit it, she wanted to be in Glee.

"Mr. Schue?" Santana asked, remaining near the doorway.

Will looked up from the tests he was grading. He offered a smile. "Santana. Come in."

Santana approached his desk and bit the tip of her tongue. She hated to go back on her words and actions. "Will you let me stay in Glee?"

"You need to fix your attitude," Will told her, but he spoke gently.

She nodded and looked down. "I know."

"Is there anything you'd like to talk about?" Will was hoping she would confide in him. He noticed she had been off lately, but of course, he wouldn't just put her on the spot like that. But since they were alone, he thought maybe she'd open up to him about whatever was bothering her.

"No," she answered with a shake of her head.

"All right then." Will paused for a moment. "But if you ever need to talk, you're welcome to come to me, Santana.

"Yeah, thanks, Mr. Schue." She forced a smile to her face before turning back toward the door. The smile immediately vanished and she joined the students in the hall.

* * *

Brittany watched Santana at her locker as she chewed on her bottom lip. Santana had been avoiding her and she hated it. Gaining some courage, she headed toward her friend.

"Hi," Brittany said.

Santana glanced over at the blonde and then pretended to be looking for something inside her locker. "Hey."

Brittany fidgeted. "I miss making out with you."

"Okay," Santana replied dully.

"San, I'm sorry," Brittany told her.

Santana's eyebrows drew together as she frowned. "You don't even know what you're sorry for."

"We can make out," Brittany insisted.

Holding back a sigh, Santana pulled a notebook from her locker. "I don't want to."

"You like making out with me," Brittany pointed out, almost hopeful.

"I did," she muttered and closed her locker.

"Santana, I want to fix us," the blonde quickly added, not wanting Santana to stalk off.

Drawing in a breath, Santana turned to face Brittany. "Break up with Artie."

"No." It was almost a whine. "Why can't we do what we did before?"

"Because I don't love you anymore," Santana lied with a shrug.

Brittany's eyebrows drew together in hurt and confusion. "But... I still love you."

"That's nice," she dismissed it quickly.

"Santana..."

Reaching for her friend, Brittany stepped forward, wanting everything to go back to normal. Santana backed away from her.

"See you in Glee." With that, Santana was booking it down the hallway.

* * *

Santana was sitting in the back corner. Sam was beside her, but he wasn't giving her much attention as he was talking to Mike about some video game Santana couldn't care less about.

As Rachel moved to the front of the room to perform the newest song she had written, she glanced in Santana's direction. The girl was frowning and her mind was definitely somewhere else.

"Excuse me," Rachel addressed the group. "I would like to sing you my newest song, one I wrote myself, of course."

"Is this going to be as lame as the one about your plaid skirts?" Santana asked loudly, shooting a glare in Rachel's direction.

"It's not about skirts, no," Rachel answered.

"Is it about shoes?" Artie asked.

"Or headbands?" Finn added in.

"No, it has nothing to do with clothes, nor accessories," Rachel told him. "It's a love song."

"Oh, God." Santana rolled her eyes.

Will moved forward from where he was standing beside the piano. "Now, Santana... hear her out."

"I just don't understand why Rachel keeps trying when she obviously has no talent as a songwriter," Santana responded.

"That's your warning, Santana." Will pointed a finger. "Another comment like that and you're out of here."

That shut Santana up as she folded her arms over her chest and crossed one leg over the other. Rachel kept her eyes on her for a second before addressing the room again.

"This song is about love," she spoke, lifting her chin slightly. "Unrequited love. It's about... loving someone even when they don't love you back in the way you want them to."

"Oh, please, Berry, like this hasn't been done a hundred thousand times before," Santana interrupted.

Will held back a sigh. "Santana—"

"I know." She was up and out of her seat in an instance. She left behind her books as she left the choir room.

Santana wanted to leave anyway so she didn't have to hear Berry's stupid song, but she knew she couldn't just leave without a reason because then everyone would wonder why. It was easier to have Mr. Schue kick her out.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey, guys! This is the last chapter! Thanks so much for reading!

* * *

Brittany was tapping her foot anxiously. She took another sweeping look around the auditorium. Some of the boys were going to be performing today, so Will had scheduled the club meeting for the auditorium instead of the choir room. Brittany had noticed Santana wasn't there and the fact that she had missed their club meeting the day before as well upset her. She thought about going out and looking for her, but she had no idea where she would be.

Rachel also noticed Santana's absence and while she normally didn't care about Santana's whereabouts, she had been worried. She knew Mr. Schue hadn't kicked her out of the club for good, which meant Santana was avoiding it.

Seeing the expression on Brittany's face right now was enough to make Rachel want to do something. She had helped the guys rehearse, so as much as she hated to miss the performance, she wanted to see if she could find Santana and maybe persuade her to come to Glee.

As soon as she was in the hallway, Rachel realized she was most likely wasting her time and that she wouldn't be finding Santana. After all, it was a big school and Santana could have even went home for all she knew. She started by checking the bathrooms as she headed for the choir room. Maybe Santana had forgotten they weren't meeting there today and figured she'd just wait there or something. It seemed illogical, but Rachel didn't have much more to go on.

When she reached the choir room (after passing three Santana-less bathrooms), Rachel opened the door and stepped in quickly. It seemed empty and she was about to leave, but then a huddled mass in the corner of the room caught her eye. Rachel approached cautiously.

"We're, uh, in the auditorium today, Santana."

Lifting her head slightly, a sob escaped before Santana pressed her face into her hands and turned even more away from Rachel. Of course she would be the one to find her here. Santana knew she should have tried to hide somewhere else instead of letting herself collapse in the choir room like this.

Eyebrows drawn, Rachel knelt down beside Santana. She hesitated before placing a hand on the other girl's shoulder. "It's... it's going to be okay."

"No..." Santana shook her head.

"Yes, it is," Rachel assured her. "I know how you feel—"

"You don't get it," Santana cut her off sharply through her tears. "You don't... because I'm not _allowed_ to love somebody. I can't. Because if I do, she doesn't love me enough to be with me." She sucked in a breath. "And it's not f-f-fair. Everyone—I try SO hard to—and no one... They would all say things... they... And when I do say something, she... she doesn't feel enough... She doesn't love m-m-me the same, I know it. I know it. And I can't even have these feelings. I shouldn't have these feelings. I wish I didn't have these..."

"Does she know?" Rachel asked quietly. It was shocking to see Santana like this, but at least Rachel knew the girl had feelings.

"Of course she does!" Santana shrugged Rachel's hand off her shoulder. "I'm not some weak little wimp, I told her!"

"Okay." Rachel nodded. "And...?"

"And she didn't feel the same," Santana snapped as if Rachel should already know the answer. "She loves me, but she doesn't... She doesn't love me enough to break up with _him_ so... obviously she doesn't care..."

Rachel considered that a moment. "Well... it wouldn't be fair to Artie—"

"I don't care about Artie!" Santana replied quickly.

"Okay." Rachel breathed out. This was more difficult than she thought it would be.

"It doesn't matter." Santana shook her head. "It doesn't fucking matter anyway because... no one would understand. This school... You know how everyone is here and what they would say, I couldn't... _can't_. Even if I wanted to... even if she... wanted to be with me when I wasn't a fucking consolation prize."

"I'm sorry, Santana." Rachel pulled a tissue from her pocket and held it out to Santana.

"That's so helpful, thanks," Santana said sarcastically and snatched the tissue. She wiped her nose.

"San?"

To Santana's horror, Brittany was standing just inside the choir room doorway. Hiding her face, she quickly swiped at her tears with the tissue, quickly dampening it. Rachel froze, unsure if she should leave or not. She looked to Santana for a hint, but received none.

"Why are you crying?" Brittany asked, her tone completely innocent in its confusion.

She walked toward them and then knelt down on the other side of Santana. Brittany stroked her hair gently. Another wave of tears came on and Santana reached for Brittany, hugging her tightly. The blonde hugged her back, just as tightly.

"Don't cry," she told her. "Please, don't cry."

Rachel sat back on her heels, giving them some space, but she didn't leave. She wanted to, but she found that she couldn't make herself go.

Santana sniffled and stuck her forehead against Brittany's neck, breathing out. "I don't know how to go back." She sucked in a shaky breath. "I told you everything. How I f-f-feel. I don't want to make out or do anything knowing you aren't going to l-l-leave him."

"But this is the same as before," Brittany replied, still stroking Santana's hair. "You and Sam, me and Artie... different plumbing, right?"

"It's not the same." Santana backed away and pulled herself together. She couldn't admit why. That it hurt too much to do as they had before. It all hurt too much. She set her sights on Rachel, shooting her daggers. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry." Rachel gave a short nod, hoping that Santana would understand that she wouldn't tell anyone about this. As much as the other girl gave her a hard time, it made sense for her nastiness and Rachel wasn't one to out someone to their entire school. She knew the damage it could do.

Rising to her feet, Rachel silently left the choir room and headed back to the auditorium. Brittany continued to stroke Santana's hair and waited for Rachel to be gone before speaking.

"So... what happens now?" she asked.

Santana shrugged. She felt emotionally drained. "I don't know."

"I don't want to fight with you," Brittany told her, pouting a little.

"Yeah," Santana agreed. "I don't want to fight either."

"Are we still best friends?" Brittany asked, suddenly hopeful, and Santana nodded.

This was better. This was right. She didn't have to make any decisions about whether to continue to hide herself or not because Brittany was helping her do so. As long as Brittany was with Artie, she didn't have to worry about nasty things beings said about her behind her back. She didn't need to identify herself as anything. At least, not now.

She leaned in and kissed Brittany softly on the cheek. Brittany smiled and gently wiped away any leftover wetness on Santana's face.

"I love you," the blonde said, still smiling.

Santana sniffled. "I love you too," she replied, barely breaking a whisper and held onto Brittany, placing her head on the girl's shoulder.


End file.
